


Zombies in a Gift Box

by Atanih88



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-01
Updated: 2011-03-01
Packaged: 2017-10-16 01:10:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/166826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atanih88/pseuds/Atanih88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel chooses a unique present for their anniversary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Zombies in a Gift Box

**Author's Note:**

> For 1957's [prompt](http://atanih88.livejournal.com/77698.html?thread=550530#t550530) ._. I'm sorry. ♥ audreytiphaine was lovely enough to beta but my hands were last on this so any mistakes are mine.

"Cas, you wanna enlighten us please?"

His feet have disappeared into ice cold grass and it feels like the soles of his feet are numbing. He's in a pair of boxers with no t-shirt because of where he'd actually fallen asleep. It hadn't felt like fucking Iceland there. He wraps his arms tighter around his midriff and tries to keep his teeth from chattering. His skin has turned into goose flesh all over and he's glaring at Cas. If Sam's curses behind him are anything to go by, he's not too happy about this either.

Cas explains patiently because really, it's not like this isn't normal or anything. "According to the average human's relationship cycle, once a couple reach a year of participating in a relationship then they give each other gifts."

Dean's mouth works for a few seconds as his eyes trail over the pulpy mess everywhere. Viscous and jelly-like bits hang off frosted ice and gleam kidney brown under the white washed light the moon provides. It could very well be an actual kidney.

And Jesus fuck, the _stench_.

"So you get me Dawn of the Dead?"

"I don't understand. I assume you are referring to their zombie state." Castiel tilts his head to the side. "Sun Tzu, I believe was an expert in the art of war and Vlad the Impaler—"

Dean stops listening right then and feels brave enough to draw the warmth of one his arms from his body to drag a hand down his face. Other people get flowers or chocolate. Hell, he didn't mind missing out on the flowers but the chocolate would've been good. It just goes to show how much his life sucks that he gets a screwed up version of Celebrity Deathmatch instead.

It also doesn't help that he'd been woken up at stupid hours of the morning to find himself standing in the middle of some god dammed forest. He hadn't even gotten the chance to put on some pants, man.

This is usually where he starts wondering if getting celestial booty on the side is worth the hassle.

"Um—question." Both Dean and Castiel turn to look at Sam (at least he still has a t-shirt on). He's got his hand up and everything. "If this is your gift to Dean, then I don't have to be here right? Can I get back to our room, I need some shut-eye man."

Castiel straightens and nods slowly, eyes squinting. "Of course Sam. I didn't want you to feel left out. Despite my preference in copulating with De—"

Sam backs up, eyes widening as he waves his hands and shakes his head. Yeah, Dean wanted Cas to stop too. "No, no! Seriously, I'm good! I—um, appreciate the thought but it's cool."

Castiel nods. "Thank you for understanding Sam. I will return you to your room."

"Wh—wait—" But of course, they're both gone and Dean is left staring around at the creep-ass forest. "At least bring me back some clothes," he mutters.

Of course that's when he hears a zombie moan behind him.

By the time Castiel returns Dean has his butt planted on the floor and is trying to wipe himself clean of zombie drool. It sticks to his fingers though, stretching in clear threads of yellow that sag between his fingers.

When Dean looks up, Castiel is holding out clothes so he swallows the curses with a click, tries to wipe his hand clean on the grass and reaches for them.

"Sam said you might appreciate this experience more if you had clothes," Castiel says.

"Why the _hell_ would you give me this as a present?"

"You said you wanted to hunt 'badass zombies.'" This was said complete with bunny quotes and everything. If anything, the look on Castiel's face pretty much said that it was Dean's fault that this _gift_ wasn't being as appreciated as it should. "Sam implied it would be... cool if it were between well known figures, but as I did not know which you'd prefer and necromancers had already brought these up I thought it would be a good opportunity."

Dean pulls on his shirt, sighs when his head pops through the collar and finishes getting dressed.

"Right." Clothes, but he's still barefoot. Great. He can't feel his toes.

He rests his hands on his hips and stares down at where Vlad the Impaler is leaning against one of the trees. A branch sticks out at an awkward angle from his neck where Dean used it to pop the head off. He glances around for a second, wondering where the head rolled off to but can't see anything.

Castiel is looking like Dean just kicked a puppy.

Dean rubs his hands down on his jeans and takes a deep breath. "I guess taking off Vlad's head over there, that was kind of cool." He shrugs a shoulder and rubs the back of his neck. "And there's still the other one running around." He feels the heat start climbing his cheeks as he looks away and suggests. "If you brought me back my boots and my guns I guess we could hunt down the other one too."

Three hours later they're sitting on the side of the road, a very dead—this time Dean hopes he'll stay that way—Sun Tzu crumpled at their feet. Castiel is beside him gingerly sipping at the beer Dean bought them (his contribution to said anniversary) and the night doesn't feel so cold. Pink dances at the edges of the slice of sky they can see.

Anniversary gifts, huh. Dean tips the beer bottle to his lips.

As far as gifts go, this wasn't so bad. No one else could boast about taking down Vlad the Impaler and Sun Tzu, epic military man, in one night.

Not bad at all.


End file.
